Alone is state of being or body, whereas loneliness is state of mind.

Celebrating your time alone​

I have many Sundays when I do not have a conversations with more than 5 people face to face. A conversation is something meaningful and more than just exchange of instructions or tasks. Many a times, I only have conversations virtually, i.e. not face to face.

In the last 2 years, I have learnt to celebrate my time alone. It is liberating and empowering - calms you down and you can get a lot done with focus.

Today, I ended up spending my time with 2 km swimming, catching up on sleep, reading a book cover to cover, 10k steps and listening to an audio book.

Netwon's First Law of Motion states that - An object at rest remains at rest, and an object in motion remains in motion at constant speed and in a straight line unless acted on by an unbalanced force.

Creatures of inertia​

We are all creatures of inertia - in our daily lives, work, relationships and goals. Typically, a sudden change will lead to a loss of balance. Let me elaborate:

• Rain in summer with a drop of temperature from 30 degrees to 15 degrees will affect your health. While you will be able to balance out 5 degrees ove a gradual change in temperature.
• A sudden spike in caffeine, eg. coffee in the evening will lead to loss of sleep in the night. But make it a daily habit and your body will adjust.

Inertia works in both directions​

Inertia works similarly in both directions - upwards and downwards. Ofcourse there are boundary conditions i.e. rock bottom and plateau after gains.

Gradual changes in status quo happen on a daily basis. Slow changes are usually irreversible and hard to break. They usually happen because of identity shift and a change in how we view ourselves.

Choose when to break the inertia​

We should change the momentum and change it consciously when we either hit a plateau in positive momentum or when we realize that it is a negative momentum. It takes a while for the negative habits to reveal themselves.

Day with lots of arguments​

We all have days where things just don't seem to go our way, and it feels like we're constantly getting into arguments with people around us. Whether it's a disagreement with a coworker, a fight with a friend, or a shouting match with a family member, dealing with days with lots of arguments can be incredibly draining and stressful.

Dealing with days with lots of arguments can be tough, but by staying calm, practicing active listening, looking for common ground, setting boundaries, and taking care of yourself, one can get through even the toughest of days.

Focus is hard​

We check our phone around 150 times a day (~ 10 times every hour awake) and half of our phone time is reserved for Social Media

My observations have been:

1. Days with significant slots of shallow focus are less satisfying.
2. Consciously solving a single or atomic problem for 1.5 hours is tough but very effective.
3. In startups, you choose the problem statement and the work towards the solve. Focusing on a niche market or problem or user is is tough but very effective.
4. Meditation helps improve focus and observing your own dopamine loops helps break addictions.

Since yesterday, I have been distracted with adhoc, abrupt problem situations, firefighting, pokes from competitors. Such days happen every now and then, but it is always nice to fight distractions and focus back on the short term (i.e. weekly) and long term goals (i.e. 1 year).

Focus can be engineered​

I try to engineer focus during the day by doing the following:

• List my most important task(s) of the day and check in the afternoon if I am making progress
• Choosing my environment - office space, temperature, coffee at the right time of the day
• Music on Spotify during the day if you want to zone out the external noises
• Sales calls batched together to avoid being switch on and off

I am missing on some effective things even after repeated reminders:

• 15 minutes walk after lunch - helps increase focus after lunch time.
• Recap of the day after the work is completed i.e. a restore point for the next day.
• Cutting short time sinks or black holes i.e. anticipating conversations or events which will be an utter waste of time.

Earthquake on 21-Mar-2023​

Around 10:30 PM last night, my bed started shaking. I was reading a book in bed on my Kindle and felt them. It took a few seconds to orient and realize that they were earthquake tremors being felt across Delhi NCR. Tweets from people were witty even during the confusion after the tremors.

I live in an apartment complex, and 10 seconds into the tremors, I thought of leaving my bed and going down using the stairs and away from the buildings. It was a deer in the spotlight moment for me and after a few seconds, I decided to stay inside. Attached are the tips for Earthquake Safety for Apartments.

Today morning, I marvel at the limitlessness of nature and the random iterations that happen daily. As much as we dig ourselves in our daily routine, digital life and alternate reality. The nature has its ways of surprising us and unfortunately at times, destroying us. Every day of life, breath and mindfulness is a gift from the nature - cherish it.

The hard part isn't knowing what the right thing to do is. The hard part is doing it

Breaking down a problem statement​

If I break a tough problem into atomic sub-problems, the order of difficulty reduces drastically.

Let's take an example, if I want to run a marathon (which I do not enjoy), I know that I will not be able to start with 21km running. If instead I break it down to training routine like below - thanks to Puneet Yadav for breaking it down, I have a greater chance of picking it up:

• Week 1: 2-3 km with 2 breaks
• Week 2: 3km with no break
• Week 3: 5km with 2/3 breaks
• Week 4: 5km with 1 break
• Week 5: 7.5km with 2 breaks
• Week 6: 10km with 2 breaks
• Week 7: 10km with no break
• Week 8: 15km with 2 breaks
• Week 9-10: 15km with no break
• Week 11: 18km with 1 break
• Week 12: 21km with no break

Knowing vs doing the right thing​

The above conversation with Puneet was from Mar 2022, an year ago. It is one thing to know the right thing to do and another to do it.

I have found committing to a plan works well if the following conditions are met:

1. You write it down, print it out or keep it top of mind digitally.
2. You discuss the progress with friends or family. Especially when you are struggling.
3. You celebrate the milestones - e.g. gift yourself something meaningful when you hit Week 5.
4. You zoom in and zoom out repeatedly, seeing how far you have come and how far do you have to go.

Personal playbook​

Below is a cheat-sheet for some of the important qualities that bring a lot of structure to life. It can be termed as a Personal playbook and should be relevant in most personal situation.

The following aspects build my playbook:

1. Clarity​

A clear sense of direction about the following 4 aspects of life - work, personal growth, health and relationship.

Everything has tradeoffs, all choices come with a cost. At an annual frequency, determining what I want is very important and pre-paying the cost of the choice adds to clarity.

2. Following my gut​

Over time, I have accepted that following the gut is who I am fundamentally. My personal mantra has become - not all decisions in life are optimizations or need to be rational. I discuss important decisions with people who I respect, but the final call is always mine.

3. Idealization Visualizations​

I have taken some important decisions by fast-forwarding life over two timelines - 2 years & 5 years. In these visualization grids, I run scenarios of the final outcomes being - good, average or bad. Visualizing life in such a grid helps in thinking about upside vs downside in a more long term manner.

4. Being with the right people​

Humans are like apes, we subconsciously copy the 5 or so people around us. We tend to gravitate towards the same usage of time and attention.

I have struggled to maintain and make friends who can interact regularly and be a positive influence.

5. Planning for setbacks​

Setbacks are part of every aspect of life - work, personal growth, health and relationship. Yes there will be days and months when:

• I will lose work, shut shop
• Break a leg or suffer in health
• Lose relationships or people around me

Planning for setbacks and visualizing life in absence of these aspects makes me more stoic and prepared.

6. Work is worship​

As naive as it may sound, I do not feel good about myself if I do not work on any day including Sunday. Work brings structure and purpose - being an entrepreneur - the scope of work is really broad and beyond the conventional working from office routine.

7. Lifelong learning​

I wasted a good 5 years in not learning regularly. It made me stagnant as a person. It influenced my mindset negatively and over the last 2 years, I have found learning from the following sources satisfying:

• Reading new books on Kindle or paperback
• Listening to books on Audible
• Listening to podcasts on Spotify

8. Peak to peak​

Life is ups and downs. Embrace the downs with open arms as I embrace the ups. The negative emotions and feelings are as important and natural as the feeling of joy. When things are going well, protect the downside and build skills for the next peak.

9. Resilience and bouncing back​

If you have to bounce, don't break.

Our daily awareness of reality is like - problems, problems, problems and crisis. Responding to crisis defines the orbits of life. These are moments where I need to be calculated, enterprising and logical. They define the trajectory of life in the long run.

10. Unshakeable optimism​

An average human in current times has more luxuries than the average king 500 years ago

Life is beautify and beyond the thoughts in your head, people around you and your fears. Optimism is contagious and has an upward spiral to it. It is limitless.

11. Courage​

Ability and willingness to face my fears is my courage. The fears have and will change over time as I get older. Courage is the spirit of moving forward, taking decisions, owning outcomes. An important learning is:

The more I chase security, the less I have it.

12. Self discipline​

Self discipline comes with persistence or rather persistence is self discipline in action. The ability to make myself do, what I should do - especially in the long run - 2 years or 5 years is a superpower.

In conclusion, I am not playing a game of life where I choose the outcomes that matter to me and I get to decide how to focus my time and attention around it.

Life is like microeconomics and we tend to live it like macroeconomics.

Limited time we have​

Everyone has the same time in the day. Passage of time is a crucial aspect of our perception of reality. Some basic facts which I tend to forget regularly:

• A year is equal to ~8800 hours
• I sleep ~2600 hours (30% of the time)

The remaining 6200 hours are the experience of reality. Relishing the awake hours is what brings the most joy, satisfaction, happiness to me.

Attention​

Life on autopilot is default for us with the devices, worries. Giving full attention to the act in hand is difficult but important. It is what makes me feel in the moment and a sense of completeness. A few things I have felt in state of full attention:

1. During conversations about work, I add more value and solve problems better.
2. During time with loved ones, I see their perspective better and feel more empathy.
3. In a day, I feel better if I am spending time mindfully instead of being stuck in busy bandwagon or infinity pools.

Being careful with time​

We are all influenced by external forces while lead us to commit time to topics, problems and activities. Mindfully spending your time is the biggest gift you give to yourself on a daily basis.

The lapses in being mindful happen in chunks. I fall off from this mindset for a full day or week. It usually happens along with travel or change of environment. Attention and time become more important and having a routine to reflect upon it is something I would like to include in my schedule.

Gloaming​

How many sunsets have you lived? - I asked this question to myself. And no, it is not a rhetorical question. I remember some distinct evenings when I was mindful and present. It felt like time has gone still and nature so serene. Sunset are reminder of rhythms in life - the cycle of rise, shine, set and repeat.

I do hope to observe sunsets more frequently. I do not need to be on a beach to do that. Only need to be present in the moment and look at the marvel of nature and its rhythms.

Chasing Daylight​

Eugene O'Kelly, talks about gloaming in his book Chasing Daylight.

The last rays of light and the shadows that fall just before the gloaming that follows. Gloaming is when shadows disappear. It’s not completely dark yet, but there are no more shadows. Gloaming is what separates day from night.

Friendship in humans​

Friendship has been an integral part of human society for thousands of years. The concept of friendship can be traced back to ancient civilizations such as Egypt, Greece, and Rome, where close bonds were formed between individuals based on shared interests, values, and experiences. In these early societies, friendship often played a crucial role in political and social life, with friendships between rulers and advisors providing the foundation for many powerful dynasties. Over time, the nature of friendship has evolved, with the rise of individualism and modernity giving rise to new forms of friendship that are more egalitarian and based on mutual respect and support. Despite these changes, the basic human desire for connection and companionship has remained constant, and friendship continues to be one of the most important aspects of our lives.

Friendship for me​

I have a lot of acquaintances and a few friends. A naive view that I had while growing up was that friends are those who are accessible, available and enthusiastic.

An ideal friend is someone who is trustworthy and supportive. They are there for you in good times and bad, and they accept you for who you are. They listen without judgment and offer advice when needed. An ideal friend is someone who respects your boundaries and does not pressure you to do anything that makes you uncomfortable. They are honest with you, but they do so in a kind and respectful way. An ideal friend is also someone who is fun to be around and shares similar interests and values. They make you laugh, lift you up when you're feeling down, and celebrate your successes with you. Overall, an ideal friend is someone who makes your life better just by being a part of it.